A Matter of Choice:
I thought so hard about what they mean to me,
And I thought so long about what they could be,
Faced with choice, I am torn by it's complexity,
My mind becomes slow, and confused, robbed of brevity.

Must I make a choice between who I like?
A thousand times harder it is than choosing a bike,
A heart divided into two, threes, fours,
My care for them flowing through open doors.

The first, a girl whom I loved at first sight,
Making my day shine, like a wonderful light,
Giving me inspiration, giving me many a rhyme,
But alas, it has been such a long, long time...

Not many a word was said to each other,
And now I wonder, whether I should bother,
Knowing the answer would only come from inside,
I wished and wished that I could go hide.

The second, a girl whom I didn't know well then,
But now we're close, 'till who knows where or when,
Knowing her better now, alot better than just friends,
We've tried helping each other through the bumps and the bends.

Hanging out with her has caused a stir,
As what she feels for me is more than a blur,
I am confused, and a little angry,
Does she think of me as friend, trophy, or future family?

A third I say, and you may be shocked,
But feelings really take a lot to be blocked,
She's nice, caring, but has a mean side to look out for,
She could, if she wanted to, make your face meet the floor.

I do not think she likes me, heck, none of the others do,
But I am still assaulted by the big question of: 'Who?'
I like them almost equally, each of them special in a way,
*sigh* I do not know if an answer will come one day.

Making a choice might never be an easy freedom,
It takes time, it takes patience, it takes much wisdom,
Because choosing the wrong one could lead to much sadness,
As all involved might know, leave, and drive one to madness.

Pestered by friends who think they know all,
I resist and hide behind my mental wall,
Wishing it could be easier, wishing with all my voice,
The reality of it is: It is a matter of MY choice.

-- Leon
The 28th of Dec, 2003.



*sigh* And life goes on. We are faced by choices each and every day, each and every minute of our lives. Turn left, or right? Go here, or there? Almost certainly we are faced by choices which have such consequences that we wish we could just go back, go back to the times we had as children. Best thing to do is not want to go back, but to get it over with. Fear of the future is what holds us, binds us to the past sometimes. *sigh*.

Hmm... today was fun...

Whole day was boring. But the night was cool.. went to Natelie's party, 2nd bro's bday and all. Went with Marvin... ate, drank Shandy, and played basketball at the court... after that, I went back to Natelie's house (Marvin went back earlier, but he's overnighting). So um... when I reached there, again went with Atif and CQ (who were playing basketball with me) and just hung around at a distance from Nat's house... some kind of bench thingy.

After that, other friends came also... one slightly staggering... 4 glasses of beer and there she goes... o_o.. well, just talked... then walked CQ and his sis (Chui Lan) home... with miss stagger too. =(, bad bad alcohol. >_<.

So anyway, here I am sitting in the home, resting a little then gonna go to sleep.. perhaps today will be interesting, with another of those Church party thingys... for youths this time. I wonder how it'll be?

*sigh* This is such a stressful time... stupid people, stupid religions, stupid technology, stupid everything.

Well... today was interesting... went to Kenneth's house at 2, by Woon Wei's car... spent an hour looking for it, arrived at about the same time as Amy and Ying Ying.. so we went around Kenneth's house, looking around... me and Stiff, and Woon... big house. o_o... well, anyway, we just hung around till like, 7, when everyone suddenly came, all at once. That was like, so interesting.. we barbequed sausages, chicken, satay... yum. Watched movies almost all day long... chatted alot I guess.. took like, umm... 5 pics? =). Not much, but yeah.. they should be worth it. Sheila, Diyana, Monisa, Lee, me, Ruhullah, Woon Wei, Atif, Amy, Ying Ying, Wey Ping, Fu Khate... ermm.. oh yeah, and Fazrin... not a very big get together, but it was cool... =).

Ugh... I feel like PMS has set its gaping jaws on the edges of my sanity... yes, guys shouldn't have PMS, but hell, the symptoms are interestingly apparent. I'm getting snappy at things I shouldn't really be mad at.. I'm getting very impatient... *sigh*... hope this passes over soon..

Nite nite peepz...

I dunno why you people can't get into blogger. I always can, just fine... o_O.

Eileen, you didn't call ME now didja? -_-" And you said you wanted to bug me by calling while on RO. Hmmmppp~! I can't believe you didn't! Grrr~ >_< I haven't used this frownie in awhile. -_-"

Ughhhhh... Kenneth's party is probably a no go... damnit, first the transport home had problems cause Woon Wei couldn't send, so we argued insanely, and I thought about my dad. I asked him, and his reply was: 'Yeah I'll be free at night! In vietnam.'. Boy, what a way to dash ones hopes. Keke. Anyway, in the end, Adrian Lee is sending us home. Yay~ good ol' Lee, eternally good guy. ^_^. He rox~ *grinz*

Aaaaaaaaaaaaannndd nowwww~ *drum roll* The transport TO the party is now a DEAD END! WOOOOOO!!! Chern Quang has to go to some shit dinner, even though our party transportation was planned like, a month ago... WHOOPDEDOOOOO~ and the fellow told *me* at 12 in the morning, today. So, yeah, there goes our transport. Hopefully Atif (who was sleeping at that moment) will wake up early and call up Lee before he even goes. Otherwise... WOOHOO, ANOTHER DAY OF RO!!!! XD XD XD XD XD XD XD XD XD!!!!!!

And now, people will know why my subnick is 'Irritated'

Looking on the more optimistic side (which is nice to have), if we go, I get to finish my roll of film. Yay. Last school day shots all will be developed. Rock on, cameras! =P Hmm hmm...

As you may notice, the timestamp on this post should be 4.43AM! Yup, it isn't an error, it's true. I am up and about at 5 in the morning. Ragnarok Online is the best at this hour, cause there will be few other players ingame, so no KILL STEALERS! XD! NO LAG!!! XD XD XD!!! The game truly sucks when it lags. Not something that Eileen would understand, no. She's ANTI RO~ =), you can try, but I dunno what will make you succeed dear. You get an A+ for Effort though~! =)

Nyehehehehe...

Na da na.. the weeks go on, and I look sadly to the short time left to me and to most people to enjoy the holidays..

Well, went to a friend's house yesterday... just to hang out and watch movies... and eat. Ah, the peace and do-nothing attitude of the holidays. Party at Kenneth's house coming up on Sat, but there are problems with the going home from it part... *sigh*~

Hm.. nothing left that I wanna say... ciouz~

Ugh... going to church in about 5 minutes... no offence to all you Christians out there, but I hate going to church and all this shit... I think it's a waste of time, other than the preaching. Sometimes it makes sense; most other times it just confirms my thoughts on certain things. Who knows what'll happen now...

Haven't been blogging in awhile I suppose. Been doing a number of things now and then... not much to talk about, still. -o-...

Ciouz ciouz.

Edit: Btw, I have friendster... got wayyy bored one day.